21 days...
Friendster
SingularlyHappy
11.20.07
Separation would always be painful...d ko alam san mas masakit dun sa nang-iwan or dun sa iniwan...some said sa iniwan...because most of the times, they were unaware of the things that's happenning...nalalaman lang nila kung kailan iniwan na sila...and most of the times this was devastating to the people left behind...because they don't know...and they were left asking why...and the answer you cannot be find anymore 'coz its to painful to asked the person who knows the anwer...and you were just have to let go...without knowing the reasons...and hopefully move-on...
This was hard, moving-on...i knew coz I've been there...when those things happens...somehow you doubts yourself...and thats the saddest part...when all of your life you are contented of who you are and what you are...and things happens and you ask yourself...was it me? At one point...you'll lost your confidence and you feel so low, ugly and unwanted...and you'll hate yourself.
But as times goes by, you'll be out of it...you'll eventually learned to love yourself again..
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
A dream...a nightmare
A dream...a nightmare
Friendster
Singularly Happy
11.19.07
I dreamed of a happy family last night...we were at the park together with two of my chilhood friends enjoying the sun and strolling with a baby in tow...it was such a wonderful dream...and I triend hard not to wake-up...coz i knew when I do it will become a nightmare...and I will be hurt once again knowing this will never happen...
In my dream, I was so happy and contented and so was he...he was holding the stroller and its a pink with little ribbons and laces...i was guessing its a baby girl...but i never saw the face of my baby...never the less I knew she was there...happy. And I was so happy too, I am laughing with what my friend was saying...i felt so carefree and loud and just happy to be there...and when i look at myside he was smiling as if he was so happy to be there too...I really wish I could stay in that place forever. But slowly...my consious mind interfree...I woke up....maybe its his face that woke me up...its bring me back to reality...knowing that could never be.
It was such a torture...when I look at the clock, its only 11:40 pm...I thought I could never go back to sleep...I was actually afaid to close my eyes, at the same time i was craving to dream that dream again, where for the first time after 20 days I felt safe, contented, happy and at peace once again...even though I knew its just a dream. But eventually I fell as sleep once again, dreamless this time..and I am thankfull because most of the times, if i woke in the middle of the night I couldn't go back to sleep that easy...God is so good He let sleep again ...
But still that dream hunted me...is it as if my mind is teasing me what could have been...if only...
I wish...this will end soon...how long will this go on? A year, a month, a week? I wish there would come a day...that i'll wake-up and and I will hurt no more...
November 19, 2007
Friendster
Singularly Happy
11.19.07
I dreamed of a happy family last night...we were at the park together with two of my chilhood friends enjoying the sun and strolling with a baby in tow...it was such a wonderful dream...and I triend hard not to wake-up...coz i knew when I do it will become a nightmare...and I will be hurt once again knowing this will never happen...
In my dream, I was so happy and contented and so was he...he was holding the stroller and its a pink with little ribbons and laces...i was guessing its a baby girl...but i never saw the face of my baby...never the less I knew she was there...happy. And I was so happy too, I am laughing with what my friend was saying...i felt so carefree and loud and just happy to be there...and when i look at myside he was smiling as if he was so happy to be there too...I really wish I could stay in that place forever. But slowly...my consious mind interfree...I woke up....maybe its his face that woke me up...its bring me back to reality...knowing that could never be.
It was such a torture...when I look at the clock, its only 11:40 pm...I thought I could never go back to sleep...I was actually afaid to close my eyes, at the same time i was craving to dream that dream again, where for the first time after 20 days I felt safe, contented, happy and at peace once again...even though I knew its just a dream. But eventually I fell as sleep once again, dreamless this time..and I am thankfull because most of the times, if i woke in the middle of the night I couldn't go back to sleep that easy...God is so good He let sleep again ...
But still that dream hunted me...is it as if my mind is teasing me what could have been...if only...
I wish...this will end soon...how long will this go on? A year, a month, a week? I wish there would come a day...that i'll wake-up and and I will hurt no more...
November 19, 2007
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Holding on...or letting go...
Friendster Blog: November 4, 2007
Ang hirap magsimula...ang dami kung gustong sabihin pero, di ko alam kung panu sisimulan...I am not used to sharing my thoughts to anyone, most of the times I rather keep it to myself and work things out my own way...but there are times na di mo na talaga kayang itago ang lahat...you have to let it go, otherwise you'll crack...explode or go insane?
Gosh, this is hard! ...you can never guess how hard is it for me to write about my thoughts and feelings...but i have to do this,its the only way...
Ok, bakit ba ko nandito ngayun? Maaring pagsisihan ko ito afterwards but for now...let me just do it...habang I still have the courage to let you know how I feel right now...
Sobrang gulo ng isip ko, as in I can't focus..I can't eat, I can't sleep and I can't even focus at work...so I decided to stop for a while baka makatulong...kakahiya naman kc sa boss ko, sobrang dumi na ng Ledger na ginagawa ko...ok, back to the reason why I am here. Well, i think something important have ended today, my relationship with someone...hurt? Yes, like hell! But I haven't cried yet? I wonder why? maybe because I still feel numb inside, maybe tonight, and i dreaded it...when all the numbeness is gone, where would i be...its so hard to think that, that someone you build your word around for more than a year is/was not part of your world anymore...parang ang hirap magsimula...my mind stop working ...but i wish its not my mind who have stopped...I wish it could have been the heart...mas mabilis siguro noh?
People say that I am too kind, too diplomatic...an angel...I never hurt anyone nor have an intention of doing so...I leave a simple life...I have a simple dream...simple lang and gusto ko...but bakit ganun...
Ang hirap magsimula...ang dami kung gustong sabihin pero, di ko alam kung panu sisimulan...I am not used to sharing my thoughts to anyone, most of the times I rather keep it to myself and work things out my own way...but there are times na di mo na talaga kayang itago ang lahat...you have to let it go, otherwise you'll crack...explode or go insane?
Gosh, this is hard! ...you can never guess how hard is it for me to write about my thoughts and feelings...but i have to do this,its the only way...
Ok, bakit ba ko nandito ngayun? Maaring pagsisihan ko ito afterwards but for now...let me just do it...habang I still have the courage to let you know how I feel right now...
Sobrang gulo ng isip ko, as in I can't focus..I can't eat, I can't sleep and I can't even focus at work...so I decided to stop for a while baka makatulong...kakahiya naman kc sa boss ko, sobrang dumi na ng Ledger na ginagawa ko...ok, back to the reason why I am here. Well, i think something important have ended today, my relationship with someone...hurt? Yes, like hell! But I haven't cried yet? I wonder why? maybe because I still feel numb inside, maybe tonight, and i dreaded it...when all the numbeness is gone, where would i be...its so hard to think that, that someone you build your word around for more than a year is/was not part of your world anymore...parang ang hirap magsimula...my mind stop working ...but i wish its not my mind who have stopped...I wish it could have been the heart...mas mabilis siguro noh?
People say that I am too kind, too diplomatic...an angel...I never hurt anyone nor have an intention of doing so...I leave a simple life...I have a simple dream...simple lang and gusto ko...but bakit ganun...
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