Friends...

Friends in your life are like pillars on your porch.Sometimes they hold you up,and sometimes they lean on you.Sometimes it is juz enugh to know that they are standing by""

Someone I knew before texted me last night...i was quite a surprise hearing from him again, coz as i've said, he've been gone for quite a while now...its been nice talking with him again. He is one of those people i become friends with even though we never really saw each other regularly...actually I've seen him last, I think around 2003...almost 4 years now. But we never really did lost contact...he will pop-up every now and then...update me about whats new with him and so on...

There are people that even though you haven't seen for a while but you knew they are there and you can always be sure who are happy to have known you...and vise versa. And I felt so blessed to have found people like them...so I don't think i should be sad this Christmas even though someone have rejected me....he is alone on that area...while I have lots who would welcome me open arms and accepted me for who I am and what I am... =)

December 13, 2007

Office



Last night, sobrang gulo na naman ng panaginip ko...nandun na naman sya...or he wasn't there but he was the topic of the discussion...



Ahhhhh, grabe, kailan ba ko nya ba ko papatahimikin? Sobrang pagdurusa na dinadanas ko...wala naman akong kasalanan nagawa sa kanya...my only fault was i loved too much...

2007-12-11
Category: life
Txt
WAYN-Asha Summer Blog

Send by me

it says:Paulit-ulit lang naman tayo d ba? d ka ba napapagod? ako medyo pagod na...d ko na yata kaya lagi ka unawain.. So ok na, Ur free 2 do na whats makes u happy..ayako na magali, whats the use..wala ka na dapat isipin..now atleast wala na ko dapat expext from u, wala ka na ring obligasyon skin. D ko sure kung tama ba 2 but if u have a better suggestion para mapabilis ang lahat, would youi please tell me about it, later when i call u...it says:maybe what im trying 2 say is, if u could give time 4 other people atleast makita man lang din me ng effort from u or maramdaman ko man lang n importante din syo and relatin nation..but i guess d ko un nakikita or maybe i was expecting 2 much from u...sorry but this is who i am sori if i fail u somehow...(this was sent when i ask for a 2 weeks cool-off)Received :August 26, 2007 (2:15 pm)- Different number (0921401345...)it says:mahal, d2 me laguna, my pasok p pla kami mimya, gwa ala dw psok 2mrw eh, nubos po load ko nkitxt lang me, his nameReceived ctober 23, 2007 (8:00 pm)it says:Late kna umuwi ah, yngat ka,Received ctober 24, 2007 (7:16 am)it says:gud am po, o.T. po ako pauwi nko yngat k po pgpasok.Received ctober 24, 2007 (5:55 pm)it says:bkit po? Yngat k pasok npo ako.Received ctober 30, 2007 (8:36 am)it says:honest naman ako syo.Received ctober 30, 2007 (8:48 am)it says:Ikaw ng sbi nyan indi ako.Received ctober 31, 2007 (9:19am)it says:indi po, pinapauwo po agad ako s bahay mi2ya, maaga daw kmi pu2nta sa mga lola s pasig bukas, paki sbi nlang ky nanay hapi b-day.Received ctober 31, 2007 (9:23 am)it says:opo, tyo p po, s nov. 16 my gmm,dun ko ng pormal sa2bihin n mgquit nko sa union.and thats it..no more txt..untill now..i was left asking what happen... last Nov. 16, umasa ako..subalit anu ang napala ko..he erase all our picture together at Friendster...what does it means? magpapakatanga pa ba ako? D ko pa ba alam kung anu ang ibig sabihin nun, magbubulag-bulagan pa rin ba ako...its over..and he was just to cowand to tell me face to face...thats what he always said things what he wanted to say..hisdi nya sinasabi..pinaparamdam lang nya..and that hurt...more...


1 comment
He didn't quit the union...he tried resigning earlier than Nov. 16, it was made Nov. 9...but he didn't contact nor say a word...He stays as President untill now...I knew he was just using the Union issue to get away...i was just to blind to see...Comment by AshaSummer / 2007-11-23

Accepting whatever happens happenes

2007-12-11
Category: life
Accepting whats happens happened
WAYN-Asha Summer Blog

Sometimes letting go is the hardest thing to do specially when you have set your mind that this time...its forever...but there are things in life that happenes without reason...without explanation...it just happened...and we are left asking why? and sometimes lost...Almost a month ago...something happened to me that left me so lost and hurt...someone I thought I could built my future with left without explanation nor reason...he's gone...for good.I felt, then as if my world falls apart...i felt so alone...unwanted...scared...ugly and all negative amotion a human being could ever felt...I keep asking myseld why? whats went wrong? Anu bang kulang? Was it me or is there someone else? Anyway...it all in the past now...every now and then...it still hurt, but life must go on..what ever Gods plans for me...i just have to TRUST HIM...i may never know the reason why he left or he choosed to say GOODBYE...and somehow i am not interested to know anymore...i just have to let go and hopefully someday...when i look back...i won't feel the pain of remembering him...and when the times have come and our path accidentally crossed again...i can look at him without any feeling of regret nor hatred...

Unshed Tears

WAYN blog
Asha Summer

2007-12-11 Category: life
UNSHED TEARS
Date : December 11, 2007Time : 11:35 AM
Place: Office

Today, will be the last time I am writting about the pain of letting go...of a dreams and a love gone...The truth is until now...for the first time, i'll admit this...i am still holding on and i am still hoping he'll come back and beg for me to accept him...I tried so hard to deny this even to myself...and I am an IDIOT, a fool to continue doing this to myself...but this time I have to wake up and admit the fact that this is never going to happen...he is happy now without me...he never wanted to return nor wanted a future with me...and all the words that has been said and all the promises are just that...a word without meaning and a broken promises...It hurt, and i am not really sure until when it will hurt...i wish I could cry about this and then afterwards...everything will be ok...but its not that simple...no matter how many tears i cried...the pain remains...maybe thats the reason why i didn't cry...right after he finally end it and say goodbye...even though i knew its final...I opened my friendster account today...i was supposed to cancelled my account...i thought too much memories...but somehow...something stopped me for cancelling it...maybe its the false hope...that somehow i still matters to him...a fool me...i just change my status to single...i said to myself...if i really want to cancell it..i could cancel it later...but i have to think hard before i do it...coz i knew calcelling it is not reversable, once its done...my account will be lost forever...So, i didn't. And so, I run some errand outside the office and return around 2:45 pm...and when i check my friendster, guess what? He change his status too, from married to single...as if he just waiting for me to make the statement...and it hurts i must admit and it angers me...so bad i wanted to cry...then he also have erase my comments to him, and that hurt the most...and this time i knew i have to finally accept the fact that its over...he have move on...and so i must move on now too...and finally I now cancelled my Frienster account...i hope this would be the end of it...its FINAL...no more hope of him coming back...us being together again...this is it...its GOODBYE FOR GOOD...i just hope my heart can finally accept that...its FINAL its OVER...MOVE on...

Unshed Tears

U N S H E D T E A R S
Friendster
Singularlyhappy
12.11.07

Sheena Easton - Almost Over You
I saw an old friend of ours today she asked about you I didn't quite know what to say heard you've been making the rounds 'round here while i've been trying to make tears disappear...... Now i'm almost over you i've almost shook these blues so when you come back around after painting the town, you'll see i'm almost over you........ You're such a sly one with your cold, cold heart maybe leaving came easy but it tore me apart time heals all wounds, they say and I should know 'cause it seems like forever but i'm letting you go..... Now i'm almost over you i've almost shook these blues so when you come back around after painting the town, you'll see i'm almost over you..... I can forgive you and soon i'll forget all those shattered dreams although you've left me with nothing to show full of misery.... Now i'm almost over you i've almost shook these blues so when you come back around after painting the town, you'll see i'm almost over you.......
There are things in life, no matter how much you wish for it...or even work hard to have it or prayed for it ..when its not really for you..it just won't be yours...
And it ends today..whatever little hope i have in my heart, it dies now. It's time to really, really, really wake-up and face the fact that it is OVER and time to move on...I promise this will be the last time...that I'll think and write about this...I can forgive...and hopefully in time, i can also forget.
I'll forever mourned all the childhood dreams you have ruined... I am letting go of that dreams, it cannot be done...I know I must STOP being foolish in believing in a happy ending...thats for fairy tales...kids believed it...grown-up knows better...
So, this is it! Goodbye to all the broken promises and shattered dreams...goodbye for good...I wish that time will come that I'll be able to look back and remember you without sadness or bitterness...
O Lord, sometimes when tragedies strike, I felt like giving-up. Help me pick-up the pieces of my life and MOVE ON in FAITH.

Emotional Baggage

September 2007
Friendster

When We we're younger, parang ang simple lang ng buhay...you just want some ice cream (yung nilalako lang ni Mamang surbetero sa labas ng school ok na) or some Ice candy or cotton candies...
I been feeling down for almost a month now, I wasn't really sure whats on me...i just that, i am felling depress more often now adays...its as if i can't find the reason to smile about anymore, I don't want to talk to anyone, i just wanted to wallow by myself, sleep and forget everything! I just hate feeling this way... its not healthy anymore...
I don't know what I want, every Sunday, I prayed to God for the strenght to go on, to let myself snap out of this depression...I have a thousand and one reason to be thankful about,what more do i need? Why I do feel this way? Why do i felt so lost most of the time...insecure...lonely? .
I am beginning to hate this new me, this is not me... I hate it! I hate it! I need to be productive, I need a new hobby, I have to meet more friends, I have to go out...lately, I been like a monk, I never go out, my worlds revolves around just work, house and him...and somehow, this limits my world, It changed me...
I realize that from the time, i found him, i was making him responsible for my happiness, my world just revolves around him, my thoughts focus only for him...and i knew its wrong, we are two different people...my happiness doesn't depends upon his happiness...he has his own life to live and I have mine...its nice to think that one day the you and me would be US, but as for the moment, this is not yet a reality, we are still two different people with two different needs, I should have not depended on him too much for my own happiness...and i am sorry for that...in the process I am losing trust and maybe pushing him away...I should have been matured enough...but then, this is all new to me...and in the end, it hurts me...not because he wasn't there more often, but because I been too dependent, i have too many expectation... and its sad, somehow, I am still unsure on what to do next, should I let go and find myself...or should I hold on and hope that he'll be there to catch me when I fall...
I am really confused on what to do...I am not sure if I would be too selfish, if I let go or If I hold on...I'm not sure really, If I let go, I might hurt him... If I hold on, I might hurt him too...and what about me? The decision I will make, I know I would be hurt, I wanted to let go...why? because I wanted to analyze/reevaluate myself? What I want, what I need and who am I? But can I not do that with him beside me? I don't know... because as for now, i cannot think life without him, he became a part of me...from the moment we holds hand, I knew, my life would never be the same again...but in time we were together, i wasn't expecting to be lost...to be insecure, unsure of myself, and thats the hardest part.. i wasn't prepare for that...maybe because I still believe in fairy tales...of happy ending, the ever after, a prince charming rescuing the damsel in distress...funny, thats my down-fall...that is why, sometimes, i am thinking I would be kinder to both of us if i let go...I don't have to constantly, fight with him, interrogate him, or ask him nonsense question...it was never his fault...its all mine, I know...its me who's becoming insecure...its my insecurity...and little by little its killing me...M

Hello...

Hello, writting is always been my way of releasing tensions & thoughts...I am not much of a talker...it was always been hard to express myself verbally...I have a number of blogs in a number of sites and I though why not comfiled them into one..so here it is...

My type of writtings are sometimes chaotic and I knew there are lots of typographical errors and as well as grammars, but I don't care...as long as I could write my thoughts and I could understand it...thats all that matters...

Well, just happy reading?

Friends

To All of my Friends...
Friendster
SingularlyHappy
12.4.07

Well, what do you know...my blogs causes quite a stir...
First of all, I wanna say thank you all for the concern, GUY's really I AM OK...you know me, I am not the type who easily runs when there's a problem...I am stronger than that...my sincerest thanks, I really appreciate it.
Second, I am really sorry if you all felt left-out...coz I didn't say anything during the "you know"... Please bear in mind that I didn't say a word because its something I have to work-out myself...its my own trial, its my own problem...I have to solve it or get through with it...alone...its the only way to grow. I'm a big girl now! =)
But it doesn't mean that I didn't need you ...I did...and knowing that you are there...makes me stronger... because I knew, that when the burden becomes too unbearable...I can always runs to all of you...
Time will come that I would be able to tell you how was it...and what happened..or maybe not ( I think it's much better to JUST FORGET? )...anyway thank you guys and I am always be blessed to have you all in my life! Cheers for the friendship!
December 04, 2007

Full Circle...

Full Circle...
Friendster
SingularlyHappy
12.1.07

Where to begin? Let me start last year, Oct. 3, 2006. The day I made a decision to try to alter mylife and hopefully begin a much better and richer existence. I was 27 then, full of hope and fairytale dreams...
It was a good start, simple and calm...it's OK, i was never looking for anything extravagant...i am easy to please, i am contented for what ever I could get... I just hope for a happy family, bright future, a home with white pence and all its trappings... happily ever after fairytale ending...so naive.
Then, Oct. 16, 2006, I had to move away...I wasn't a sudden decision...all concerned knew of the fact....it was time to move on...it's time to broaden my horizon...I've been stuck on "my comfort zone" long enough, five years and I've given enough...so its time for a change of career...this was for me as much as for the those i love dear.
New career, new environment...long commute, long working hours but its OK, its worth it...the new challenges of work were different and i strive for it...it was really a new beginning. But on the other hand..when my career been going well, the other part of my life was going down hill. I don't know what was it..but i felt it...it was falling apart...I tried to ignore it...done everything I could to save it but...its no used.
I never heard one word of complain...not a word...but i felt the difference somehow...the more I asked and the more I tried to reach out, the more I felt the distance...
... i tried holding on for a while and tried very hard to ignore the coldness of once warm and comforting arms...but its hard when you knew it's over...as time passed by, you'll eventually looses your grip specially when you felt that you were there alone fighting for what you thought was worth saving... what else is there to do? But to let go...
Starting over is never easy...i knew, because I've been there...but all wounds heals and pains goes away...I knew what happened changes me, a part of me will be lost forever, but its not bad...it only means I grew-up and I learned something from what happened...and it will be OK...it's never easy but its possible...
This year, I've come FULL CIRCLE...I loved, I been happy, I been Sad, I fight, I loose, I cried, I moved on and I've won! I'm stronger now...
Thanks to all my friends and my family who are always there...those who never ask questions but offers a shoulder to cry on...even though they don't know whats happening... they are still there to support me...whether its my fault or not...they are still on my side, cheering me up...Thanks!
A year from now...I don't know what will become of me...or where would I be...all i know is...there is a bigger world out there...and endless possibilities...and I am looking forward for what God have in store for me...and I am ready!
December 01, 2007