Sad Thoughts...

Freindster Blog : October 2007

Have you ever experience being surrounded by people but still you felt so alone? You felt so cold inside, eerie and gloomy...and you laugh and smile but its all fake..coz deep inside you felt you don't belong?
You hate the feelings...its so dark and negative but you can't help it...life's seems so complicated and sad sometimes...but come to think of it, it shouldn't have but most of the times it ends that way. Maybe its part of growing-up...when one passes through the phase of loneliness...they'll find true happiness and contentment in the end...but what if one's cannot? Maybe those are the people who committed suicide or end-up insane? Right!
Anyway, why would someone felt this way? Really..why? I don't know.... maybe its boredom, you felt incomplete, or rejected, unimportant or maybe because you are asking for what you think you deserves but in reality its impossible?..or maybe you are simply burn-out. I don't know...but its hard and scary and at the same time frustrating...when one is used to be jolly and carefree...its hard...well trying to hide loneliness is harder...but you know most of the times it works too...but not for long.
When you're all alone with your thoughts, specially at night, you can't sleep, loneliness creeps in and well you felt ...cold...and you wish you have someone to talk to, but you're afraid they wouldn't understand your fear and end-up being laugh at? Or vulnerable or weak in their eyes?
This feelings I know is ridiculous, 'coz in the back of your minds, you know it's not true...but still you resist going with your love one's and pretend in front of them that you are okey...that you are happy and nothing change.
Well, maybe because it's really a personal struggle, something that only the person who felt that way can make his/herself snap-out-off it. Definitely, once its over, you can look back and laugh at yourself... in how ridiculous you acted! That's it...if you succeed it burying your own demons...otherwise, you'll end-up in the morgue or in the street...singing, dancing in the rain?...scary ha? Well...its your own demons...its your own struggle...nothing can help you but yourself...your happiness defends only on how you handle things..or perceive some situation...happiness starts within...
Well, I for once...shall stop by at the grocery store, later...maybe a pint size of mango flavored ice cream...can cure this? Don't you think???? Well, Hope so...it works before...

I just wanna forget everything...and move on!

Hi5
Nemisis journal

I just wanna forget everything...and move on!
10 11, 07 1:08 PM
Why does it have to happen? Why do I have to feel the pain of being there but not being seen...worthless, unneeded...I knew in my heart, I am worth more than that, I deserves more anything...but he's action makes me feel so wothless and inadequate...I just want to forget everything! ..Just let me move on...

Peace...

I found peace atlast...
Hi5
Nemisis Journal

10 4, 07 12:38 PM
Yesterday, I finally found peace...remember i told you that yesterday was a special day for me...well it is and more...I went to church and pray...that may i may found the reason why i should hold on...and then i look at the person sitting beside me and then..there i see...y i shouldn't give-up...it was there all along, i was just too blind to see...the reason why i should be happy, the reason why i am blessed...that afternoon HE open my eyes to what I should have seen all along...he showed me why i should go on living...i am just looking to far ahead, that I didn't see He already give me what I need and I am soo sorry...i am in a hurry, i fail to be thankful to what has God have given me...I am asking for too much...while all along...He have given what i truely need...and then I found PEACE at last..thank you God...thank you for opening my eyes...thank you for Giving me everything that I need..not what I want... thank you...

Peace...

I found peace atlast...
Hi5
Nemisis Journal

10 4, 07 12:38 PM
Yesterday, I finally found peace...remember i told you that yesterday was a special day for me...well it is and more...I went to church and pray...that may i may found the reason why i should hold on...and then i look at the person sitting beside me and then..there i see...y i shouldn't give-up...it was there all along, i was just too blind to see...the reason why i should be happy, the reason why i am blessed...that afternoon HE open my eyes to what I should have seen all along...he showed me why i should go on living...i am just looking to far ahead, that I didn't see He already give me what I need and I am soo sorry...i am in a hurry, i fail to be thankful to what has God have given me...I am asking for too much...while all along...He have given what i truely need...and then I found PEACE at last..thank you God...thank you for opening my eyes...thank you for Giving me everything that I need..not what I want... thank you...

Anniversarry...

Sad day...10 3, 07 10:43 AM
When I wake this morning, i told myself...today I choose to be happy...I am happy...be happy...but i am just deluding myself...i am sad...so sad...


sad MORNING...10 2, 07 12:05 PM
Tommorrow was supposed to be a happy day for me...but i just felt so down...it still hurts...sometimes i just wanna give up...I always pray to God that today should be different, that I will be happier person now...but as times goes by, i felt so depress...my feeling reflect the weather today...gloomy, wet, cold and sad...as if happiness is just a dream...i wish tommorrow would be different...i wish tommorrow...i could smile...a real one...i wish the pain in my heart would go away...I am so sad...why should i suffer like this?..i wasn't a bad person...i never hurt anyone...all I ever wanted is to be love and be loved in return...but i choose the wrong man...thats my only fault I loved a wrong man...a man who cannot love me the way i wanted to be loved...I wish i could go on...Help me God...just so painful...hurts so bad...help me ...


headache...10 1, 07 3:50 PM
My head is killing me...its hurts, i slept early last night after a day spent with some highschool friends...i didn't enjoy the event as much as i should because of the migraine, wrong timing...well i guess i wasn't really ready yet to be with the "crowd"...the truth is, i am still hurting...i guess...even though i am trying to be happy, my body is telling me otherwise...i am not yet ready...and its sad..but i will be ok...i know i will...wounds always heals...in time...i just have to be patient...i will be ok...eventually.As for now..let me just accept the fact that it still hurts...and it hurts like hell...let me wallow for a moment...wish i could cry...but how come tears won't fall...bato yata nga ako...hahahaha! Gosh i hate feeling this way...And I though my head's the one's hurting????