A new beginning....

A new beginning....
HI5
Nemisis Journal
09 27, 07 3:25 PM
After a weeks of thingking...here I am...a new beginning, mahirap magsimula...afterall, one cannot change who she is in just a week...but i am learning and trying to change...be a much better person...but come to think of it...magchachange ba ako or..was it more appropriate to say that I am reclaiming my old self back..the one who can stand on her own two feet without the aid of others...the one who can be happy even w/o a man by her side...someone who are content to walk alone, read alone, watch alone, groceries and so on... alone! Not totally alone...since I knew naman na my family are always be there and I have lots of friends who is just a txt or call away...but you knew that feeling of being free again, after a time of being too dependent to someone else...its kinna hard yet liberating...its a challenge...and I'll say this is life...this is me...and finally I am happy!

Marriage

September 2007
Friendster

Me and my sister was talking one day about something when suddenly she said...me, i wanted to get married next year! I was like, huh????? really dumbfounded! I just can't really believe it...seriously!
Well, come to think of it...I should have not been surprise to hear about it, after all she was old enough (some say too old enough)...she is in her early 30's...but, what surprise me, was we never talk much about "it". it seems that we are comfortable for what we are now...single, living with our parents,home during weekends, talking, fighting, teasing... just like what I've known...since we we're kids...since forever... and I can't grasp the fact that one day...she willleave home...have her own family...and eventually move away. Its kinna sad...at the same time, it got me thinking what I really wanted in life...have I really thought about that?
I was really envious to those, who can easily say, "hey I wanna get married"...without a pause and "but" to follow...
But seriously, who wouldn't want to get married? I guess all little girls dream of getting married one day with the love of their life...whether its with their price charming or with their very own ogre (thanks to Shrek...now we have more option..hehehehe)...and I'm one of those little girls once...I dreamed of one day,I'll walk down the ailse and at the end of the alter there waiting my future husband. Finally, I'll have my own home and kids. I dreamed of a loving husband, who shares my joys and sorrow...through thick and thin, from happy days and sad...I wanted someone who I can grow old with, makes me laugh, makes me cry...and shares the wonders of marriage..life...BUT...its not that easy to get married...seroulsly!
OK, well lucky for some, its easy for them...! They decided they wanna get married..and viola! All their family were happy! Relatives contributed something for the wedding to push through and so on...they get married. End of the story...and they live happily ever after...or do they????
Wish life or marriage life are really like that...but i am thinking, marriage is not about the wedding, for me its the life after the wedding...once I get married, I want a happy ever after! the real one! I don't want a fancy wedding, I want a quite one...be surrounded by close friends and family...no extravaganza...just us and all thats important...wedding last for only... 3 or 4 hours, then its over, but marriage it's a different matter. That's what i wanted to prepare myself and my future better half with...thats what I am thinking, when they ask me, when is the wedding? (I've been ask about that a hundred in one times)...and I'll alway have no answer.
I am not saying that I am unsure of the man I intended to marry one day...oh no! As a matter of fact, I already have an idea who he is..its just that...When I am sure that I and my husband to be is really (seriously) ready to face the life after the "Wedding" then I'll ... YES!

Goodbye...
09 21, 07 4:48 PM
Hi5
Nemisis Journal

Just goodbye...

Goodbye...

Goodbye...
Friendster : Janlouise

Goodbye...this time it finally ends...i wont be hurting no more...goodbye...stranger
September 21, 2007

HI5 Nemisis Journal

today..I let Jesus takes the wheel09 21, 07 9:01 AM
I texted him yesterday around 4 pm...asking him if its ok for us to talk...he didn't answer...maybe because he doesn't have a load..or maybe he already given up on me...it hurts, for the first time...i realize that maybe its truely is over...but i wasn't blaming him nor myself...i needed the moment to think...hindi ako nagsisisi sa desisyon ko na humingi ng konting time-out...i needed that time...but kung di niya ako naintindihan..and he gave-up on me, i accept it...Jesus knew what is best for us...dapat nuon pa hinyaan ko na lang sa kamay NYA ang lahat...maybe it would have work out...or maybe maiwasan ko ang masaktan at makasakit...but whatever happen...all i wanted for now is to have peace within...May Jesus help me...
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Sorry...09 18, 07 1:33 PM
I just want to say I am sorry...i don't hate you, I'm just hurting....i know...you didn't mean to make things worse, maybe you just wanted to help...I am sorry...
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AHHHHHHH Life!09 18, 07 9:25 AM
Can I be angry for a moment!!!! Can I? Kailangan ko lang talagang ilabas ang nararamdaman ko!!!! Can you please just shut-up!!!!! and mind your own business! !!!! you don't know anything! You know nothing of what happened! You never know me, how I feel...who I am...!!! You didn't care about me when everythings going ok...you just ignored me...as if I didn't exist...you never once considered my feeling when I am trying to reach out and be close to all of you...and now that everything is falling apart, you have something to say? What kind of people are you? We are grown-ups now...i just wish you could let us be...let us work this thing between us...let us be...please! And you! I wish you didn't discuss this with others...sana ginalang mo na lang yung desisyon ko...I just wish...I hate feeling this way. i don't want to fight and hate anyone, I just want to live a normal life...i want to be content and have a peacefull mind...I don't want to hate anyone...I just wanted to be happy. Is that too much to ask?

My Reason...

Hi5
Nemisis journal

My Reason...
09 17, 07 10:36 AM
...3 days. Truthfully I am barely surviving, last night I almost give up...and txted him...but i didn't. When I decided to ask for a few day rest...I knew he didn't understand...most people wouldn't understand...I myself...wasn't really sure if this is the right thing...that maybe I am risking too much...that i am being a coward...that i am being irrational...imature...Am I? That day, i must admit I am deeply hurt, angry...not really, betrayed (a little)...and I was so confused and I don't really know what to do...I can't even cry...I really wish I could but I can't...I gues I am not the type of person... but the intensity of my feeling that time was so intense...I was so shock, I can't seems to handle them... I lost control.Then, there I a realized, i have changed...I don't know this person anymore, the person I am seing is UGLY and bad...and I hate her...the person I am becoming is so different, jealous, narrow-minded, selfish, Clingy and immature...I just don't know her anymore.Thats when I decided...i must reevaluate myself. I wasn't really thinking straight when I called, I don't know what to say...all I knew was ...I have to disaappear for a while and think...he didn't understand and its my fault...he was angry I knew...I can hear it in his voice...and I am so sorry, if you you thought I am giving-up on you and on what we have... i am sorry, wish i could explain myself better...but i cant. This is something I have to work on myself alone, something I, myself can only resolve...I just wish you could understand...but funny, how can you understand, what I myself can't even explain...I knew I was asking too much to wish for you to accept and understand my decision..but i am still wishing you would...

When I decided to give-up...

Hi5
Nemisis Journal

When I decided to give-up...
09 14, 07 3:06 PM
Its not easy to let go of something you've put everything into...but it's harder to realized later on that you've been holding on to something that isn't there...anymore.If its not him, it will never be him no matter how much i'm obsess about him...but if incasejust incase...he's for me...he'll always be for me no matter how ofter I set him free...People give up on LOVE sometimes...that's why GOD made the earthround so that if two people who are meant to be decided to work different paths, still at some point of the world the ends of their road will meet...After all the time that passed YOU become an important part of my LIFE and slowly...I am starting to be afraid to loose you...all i ever wanted and wish for is that...wish I knew that...I am holding on to a HAND that also won't LET me go...

Seriously...

Hi5
Nemisis Journal

Seriously...
09 13, 07 1:17 PM
Me and my sister was talking one day about something when suddenly she said...me, i wanted to get married next year! I was like, huh????? really dumbfounded! I just can't really believe it...seriously!
Well, come to think of it...I should have not been surprise to hear about it, after all she was old enough (some say too old enough)...she is in her early 30's...but, what surprise me, was we never talk much about "it". it seems that we are comfortable for what we are now...single, living with our parents,home during weekends, talking, fighting, teasing... just like what I've known...since we we're kids...since forever... and I can't grasp the fact that one day...she willleave home...have her own family...and eventually move away. Its kinna sad...at the same time, it got me thinking what I really wanted in life...have I really thought about that?
I was really envious to those, who can easily say, "hey I wanna get married"...without a pause and "but" to follow...
But seriously, who wouldn't want to get married? I guess all little girls dream of getting married one day with the love of their life...whether its with their price charming or with their very own ogre (thanks to Shrek...now we have more option..hehehehe)...and I'm one of those little girls once, I dreamed of one day,I'll walk down the ailse and at the end of the altar there waiting my future husband. Finally, I'll have my own home and kids, a loving husband, who shares my joys and sorrow...through thick and thin, from happy days and sad. I wanted someone who I can grow old with, makes me laugh, makes me cry...and shares the wonders of marriag life...BUT...its not that easy to get married...seroulsly!
OK, well lucky for some, its easy for them! They decided they wanna get married and viola! All their family were happy! Relatives contributed something for the wedding to push through and so on...they get married. End of the story...and they live happily ever after...or do they????
Wish life or marriage life are really like that...but i am thinking, marriage is not about the wedding, for me its the life after the wedding...once I get married, I want a happy ever after! The REAL one! I knew there would be some obstacle along the way...lifes not perfect...and so am I. I don't want a fancy wedding, I want a quite one...be surrounded by close friends and family...no extravaganza...just us and all thats important...wedding last for only... 3 or 4 hours, then its over, but marriage it's a different matter. That's what i wanted to prepare myself and my future better half with...thats what I am thinking, when they ask me, when is the wedding? (I've been ask about that a hundred in one times)...and I'll alway have no answer.
I am not saying that I am unsure of the man I intended to marry one day...oh no! As a matter of fact, I already have an idea who he is..its just that...When I am sure that I and my husband to be is really (seriously) ready to face the life after the "Wedding" then I'll ... YES!

twist of fate...

Hi5
Nemisis Journal

twist of fate...
09 12, 07 3:46 PM

how they met????? It was one of those company gatherings...that one gathering that she was supposed to missed, but in a twist of fate, she was able to attend...

Who is she? Well, she is a 26 years old working girl then...in a manufacturing company...wasn't seeking for anything just wanted to have fun and expiriencing life to the fullest...

Who is he...a 25 years old working guy...in a manufacturing company...just looking around, having fun and expiriencing life to the fullest...

Whats the occasion? July 22, 2006, Cowboy Grill Las Piñas City...its the victory party celebration of the Volleyball Girls and the end of the company sport fest. He,as part of the Sports committee...She, one of the company's volleyball player.

How it started, they knew each other by name...after all they are working in the same company...she have watched him played basketball and volleyball...she even voted for him as a president for the company Union...but they were just that...co-workers...and she can recall, she even talked to him once (one-on-one) when there some work related conflict between Union and her...and the talk was casual...done professionally and no indication of anything more than what it was supposed to be...

And so, the celebration begin...all of them seated in along oval table...good for about 20 something...she was never really sure.

She, seated on the far end with her own circle of friends...drinking beer and talking comfortably with everyone.

He, in the opposite far end, talking comfortably with his own circle of friends...mostly boys...drinking beer and having fun.

can't finished this...there's no use...since it doesn't end a happy ending... =(

My work...my life?

Hi5
Nemisis Journal

My work...my life?
09 12, 07 3:33 PM

How does it stated... I sincerely don't know. What happened and why it happened...it just happened.Lets start after graduation...when I finished college I told myself, I wont be applying near Laguna...no, no, no, no! I been here all of mylife, this time I wanna expirience being away from my parents and live independently...and so I applied in Parañaque...I was accepted, I work there for almost a year, and then, I find my job there too limiting...so I resigned...and then I transfer to a new job in Makati. Wow, Makati, sabi nila sosyal...and so I grab the apportunity...but I wasn't happy... traffic jam and the expensive cost of living is too much for me...I realized after a year of living away in Laguna was enough for me...I had expirienced what i come here to expirience...time to came back! And so...after three months of working in Makati, a job offer located in Biñan came along...God is sooooooo good. And then I came back...after a year and a half..i came home...and I was happy atlast!I started working there in May 2001, its a Automative Manufacturing Company. With the words, automative, you can guess that majority of workers in there are men...as a matter of fact, 90% or more are boys! At first it was a shock to me...being surrounded by that number of boys...and being young and new, well...you can guess what would happened. But, all in all, its been fun working with them, i learned to adjsut and work harmonniously with them... a made a quite a number of friends...The years I spend in there was one of the very few highlights of mylife...its been fun, tiring, adventurous and memorable expirience! But...there are times when one have to move on...and so after 5 years of working, i felt tired and so...I move on! Time for a change...a new beginning! Wish me luck!