My Reason...

Hi5
Nemisis journal

My Reason...
09 17, 07 10:36 AM
...3 days. Truthfully I am barely surviving, last night I almost give up...and txted him...but i didn't. When I decided to ask for a few day rest...I knew he didn't understand...most people wouldn't understand...I myself...wasn't really sure if this is the right thing...that maybe I am risking too much...that i am being a coward...that i am being irrational...imature...Am I? That day, i must admit I am deeply hurt, angry...not really, betrayed (a little)...and I was so confused and I don't really know what to do...I can't even cry...I really wish I could but I can't...I gues I am not the type of person... but the intensity of my feeling that time was so intense...I was so shock, I can't seems to handle them... I lost control.Then, there I a realized, i have changed...I don't know this person anymore, the person I am seing is UGLY and bad...and I hate her...the person I am becoming is so different, jealous, narrow-minded, selfish, Clingy and immature...I just don't know her anymore.Thats when I decided...i must reevaluate myself. I wasn't really thinking straight when I called, I don't know what to say...all I knew was ...I have to disaappear for a while and think...he didn't understand and its my fault...he was angry I knew...I can hear it in his voice...and I am so sorry, if you you thought I am giving-up on you and on what we have... i am sorry, wish i could explain myself better...but i cant. This is something I have to work on myself alone, something I, myself can only resolve...I just wish you could understand...but funny, how can you understand, what I myself can't even explain...I knew I was asking too much to wish for you to accept and understand my decision..but i am still wishing you would...