Foolish me?

Its been 3 months, I thought i was over him...i should have been...but why do i keep checking his Friendster account? Why would I still trying to look for his pictures...secretly? Foolishly...how funny human is...how funny i was and still is...i have successfully deceived all those people around me, even myself...that I dont care anymore, that I have moved on. That I am okey now, but the trueth it's all been a lie...I am much better actor than I thought...



After, well a number of times of foolishly checking and rechecking, I have finally hit "jackpot"...i saw a new pics of him smilling, looking happy. I felt so cold, i was angry...why are you smilling? Why? You shouldn't be smilling....why? You have no right to be happy after all of what you've done to me! How dare you to smile! While I was hurting inside! How I hate those pictures! How I hate you! and how I hate myself for still hurting....how foolish I am.

Friends...

Friends in your life are like pillars on your porch.Sometimes they hold you up,and sometimes they lean on you.Sometimes it is juz enugh to know that they are standing by""

Someone I knew before texted me last night...i was quite a surprise hearing from him again, coz as i've said, he've been gone for quite a while now...its been nice talking with him again. He is one of those people i become friends with even though we never really saw each other regularly...actually I've seen him last, I think around 2003...almost 4 years now. But we never really did lost contact...he will pop-up every now and then...update me about whats new with him and so on...

There are people that even though you haven't seen for a while but you knew they are there and you can always be sure who are happy to have known you...and vise versa. And I felt so blessed to have found people like them...so I don't think i should be sad this Christmas even though someone have rejected me....he is alone on that area...while I have lots who would welcome me open arms and accepted me for who I am and what I am... =)

December 13, 2007

Office



Last night, sobrang gulo na naman ng panaginip ko...nandun na naman sya...or he wasn't there but he was the topic of the discussion...



Ahhhhh, grabe, kailan ba ko nya ba ko papatahimikin? Sobrang pagdurusa na dinadanas ko...wala naman akong kasalanan nagawa sa kanya...my only fault was i loved too much...

2007-12-11
Category: life
Txt
WAYN-Asha Summer Blog

Send by me

it says:Paulit-ulit lang naman tayo d ba? d ka ba napapagod? ako medyo pagod na...d ko na yata kaya lagi ka unawain.. So ok na, Ur free 2 do na whats makes u happy..ayako na magali, whats the use..wala ka na dapat isipin..now atleast wala na ko dapat expext from u, wala ka na ring obligasyon skin. D ko sure kung tama ba 2 but if u have a better suggestion para mapabilis ang lahat, would youi please tell me about it, later when i call u...it says:maybe what im trying 2 say is, if u could give time 4 other people atleast makita man lang din me ng effort from u or maramdaman ko man lang n importante din syo and relatin nation..but i guess d ko un nakikita or maybe i was expecting 2 much from u...sorry but this is who i am sori if i fail u somehow...(this was sent when i ask for a 2 weeks cool-off)Received :August 26, 2007 (2:15 pm)- Different number (0921401345...)it says:mahal, d2 me laguna, my pasok p pla kami mimya, gwa ala dw psok 2mrw eh, nubos po load ko nkitxt lang me, his nameReceived ctober 23, 2007 (8:00 pm)it says:Late kna umuwi ah, yngat ka,Received ctober 24, 2007 (7:16 am)it says:gud am po, o.T. po ako pauwi nko yngat k po pgpasok.Received ctober 24, 2007 (5:55 pm)it says:bkit po? Yngat k pasok npo ako.Received ctober 30, 2007 (8:36 am)it says:honest naman ako syo.Received ctober 30, 2007 (8:48 am)it says:Ikaw ng sbi nyan indi ako.Received ctober 31, 2007 (9:19am)it says:indi po, pinapauwo po agad ako s bahay mi2ya, maaga daw kmi pu2nta sa mga lola s pasig bukas, paki sbi nlang ky nanay hapi b-day.Received ctober 31, 2007 (9:23 am)it says:opo, tyo p po, s nov. 16 my gmm,dun ko ng pormal sa2bihin n mgquit nko sa union.and thats it..no more txt..untill now..i was left asking what happen... last Nov. 16, umasa ako..subalit anu ang napala ko..he erase all our picture together at Friendster...what does it means? magpapakatanga pa ba ako? D ko pa ba alam kung anu ang ibig sabihin nun, magbubulag-bulagan pa rin ba ako...its over..and he was just to cowand to tell me face to face...thats what he always said things what he wanted to say..hisdi nya sinasabi..pinaparamdam lang nya..and that hurt...more...


1 comment
He didn't quit the union...he tried resigning earlier than Nov. 16, it was made Nov. 9...but he didn't contact nor say a word...He stays as President untill now...I knew he was just using the Union issue to get away...i was just to blind to see...Comment by AshaSummer / 2007-11-23

Accepting whatever happens happenes

2007-12-11
Category: life
Accepting whats happens happened
WAYN-Asha Summer Blog

Sometimes letting go is the hardest thing to do specially when you have set your mind that this time...its forever...but there are things in life that happenes without reason...without explanation...it just happened...and we are left asking why? and sometimes lost...Almost a month ago...something happened to me that left me so lost and hurt...someone I thought I could built my future with left without explanation nor reason...he's gone...for good.I felt, then as if my world falls apart...i felt so alone...unwanted...scared...ugly and all negative amotion a human being could ever felt...I keep asking myseld why? whats went wrong? Anu bang kulang? Was it me or is there someone else? Anyway...it all in the past now...every now and then...it still hurt, but life must go on..what ever Gods plans for me...i just have to TRUST HIM...i may never know the reason why he left or he choosed to say GOODBYE...and somehow i am not interested to know anymore...i just have to let go and hopefully someday...when i look back...i won't feel the pain of remembering him...and when the times have come and our path accidentally crossed again...i can look at him without any feeling of regret nor hatred...

Unshed Tears

WAYN blog
Asha Summer

2007-12-11 Category: life
UNSHED TEARS
Date : December 11, 2007Time : 11:35 AM
Place: Office

Today, will be the last time I am writting about the pain of letting go...of a dreams and a love gone...The truth is until now...for the first time, i'll admit this...i am still holding on and i am still hoping he'll come back and beg for me to accept him...I tried so hard to deny this even to myself...and I am an IDIOT, a fool to continue doing this to myself...but this time I have to wake up and admit the fact that this is never going to happen...he is happy now without me...he never wanted to return nor wanted a future with me...and all the words that has been said and all the promises are just that...a word without meaning and a broken promises...It hurt, and i am not really sure until when it will hurt...i wish I could cry about this and then afterwards...everything will be ok...but its not that simple...no matter how many tears i cried...the pain remains...maybe thats the reason why i didn't cry...right after he finally end it and say goodbye...even though i knew its final...I opened my friendster account today...i was supposed to cancelled my account...i thought too much memories...but somehow...something stopped me for cancelling it...maybe its the false hope...that somehow i still matters to him...a fool me...i just change my status to single...i said to myself...if i really want to cancell it..i could cancel it later...but i have to think hard before i do it...coz i knew calcelling it is not reversable, once its done...my account will be lost forever...So, i didn't. And so, I run some errand outside the office and return around 2:45 pm...and when i check my friendster, guess what? He change his status too, from married to single...as if he just waiting for me to make the statement...and it hurts i must admit and it angers me...so bad i wanted to cry...then he also have erase my comments to him, and that hurt the most...and this time i knew i have to finally accept the fact that its over...he have move on...and so i must move on now too...and finally I now cancelled my Frienster account...i hope this would be the end of it...its FINAL...no more hope of him coming back...us being together again...this is it...its GOODBYE FOR GOOD...i just hope my heart can finally accept that...its FINAL its OVER...MOVE on...

Unshed Tears

U N S H E D T E A R S
Friendster
Singularlyhappy
12.11.07

Sheena Easton - Almost Over You
I saw an old friend of ours today she asked about you I didn't quite know what to say heard you've been making the rounds 'round here while i've been trying to make tears disappear...... Now i'm almost over you i've almost shook these blues so when you come back around after painting the town, you'll see i'm almost over you........ You're such a sly one with your cold, cold heart maybe leaving came easy but it tore me apart time heals all wounds, they say and I should know 'cause it seems like forever but i'm letting you go..... Now i'm almost over you i've almost shook these blues so when you come back around after painting the town, you'll see i'm almost over you..... I can forgive you and soon i'll forget all those shattered dreams although you've left me with nothing to show full of misery.... Now i'm almost over you i've almost shook these blues so when you come back around after painting the town, you'll see i'm almost over you.......
There are things in life, no matter how much you wish for it...or even work hard to have it or prayed for it ..when its not really for you..it just won't be yours...
And it ends today..whatever little hope i have in my heart, it dies now. It's time to really, really, really wake-up and face the fact that it is OVER and time to move on...I promise this will be the last time...that I'll think and write about this...I can forgive...and hopefully in time, i can also forget.
I'll forever mourned all the childhood dreams you have ruined... I am letting go of that dreams, it cannot be done...I know I must STOP being foolish in believing in a happy ending...thats for fairy tales...kids believed it...grown-up knows better...
So, this is it! Goodbye to all the broken promises and shattered dreams...goodbye for good...I wish that time will come that I'll be able to look back and remember you without sadness or bitterness...
O Lord, sometimes when tragedies strike, I felt like giving-up. Help me pick-up the pieces of my life and MOVE ON in FAITH.